It Has a Name – Birthday Blues
Your birthday is coming up, the day that you should be the happiest. But wait, you suddenly realize that you do not feel excited about it, and what’s more, that you are hurting on the inside. Does that sound familiar?
In that case, I need to tell you that you are not alone, and many people experience this on their birthday, including me. Welcome to the sad birthday club 🙂
Birthday (n.) A day to celebrate that you have survived
for another year in this beautiful universe.
There is even a psychological definition of this condition called birthday blues, or the birthday depression , which includes symptoms like feeling apathetic, sad, or disinterested towards your birthday.
When people around you are eager to celebrate it, this feeling might bother you more, and you may think something is wrong with you. But guess what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Changes in emotions and feelings are normal as you are consistently affected by life events, experiences, stress, and mental health. Indeed, it is not surprising that birthdays might become more like just another day on the calendar, as we age. Let’s dive into possible reasons behind this change and get to know our feelings more deeply.
10 Reasons Why You are not Excited About Your Birthday
- Fear of aging. Even though birthdays are usually considered to be very special and happy days, they might easily become a reminder of getting older. As you get older, it’s natural to feel more self-conscious about your appearance, health, and other age-related factors. Thus, the process of aging isn’t exactly something to relish.
- Lack of purpose. Some people might feel like they haven’t accomplished anything significant yet. Maybe you also feel like you’re not using your full potential and waiting for the day to show what you are capable of. In that case, a birthday might make you feel like you are running out of time to achieve your life goals and it might lead you to question your position in life.
- Fear of disappointment. Maybe you’ve had some very fun birthday celebrations so far and therefore have high expectations for your birthday. What if your birthday wouldn’t be fun and great as much as the previous ones? Feeling disinterested in your birthday may be a mechanism that prevents you from having high expectations and hence, protects you from possible disappointments and sadness you may experience afterward.
- Negative past experiences. You may have experienced disappointing and negative situations on your past birthdays. Thus, you might be worrying that you will reexperience those traumatic moments again. This feeling might prevent you from celebrating your birthday or even thinking about it.
- Anxiety and/or depression. Having depression or anxiety generally diminishes excitement. If you are experiencing these negative feelings not just for your birthday but also for other things going on in your life, then you might be struggling with anxiety or depression. In that case, I suggest you consult a mental health professional.
- Fear of not being loved. Birthdays are great times to express our love and warmth to our loved ones. Especially social media has taken it to another level. Nowadays, you can easily share love notes or pictures to celebrate others’ birthdays on Instagram. While being exposed to all those love sharing, what if not many people express their love for us during our birthday? This fear can be an obstacle to feeling excitement.
- Personality traits. Celebrating birthdays with a crowd is the most common way and is considered to be ideal for many people. This ideal celebration may not be so ideal for introverts who like to spend time alone. Thus the common birthday concept might not be suitable for every person and cause distress.
- Feeling of loneliness. If you are feeling disconnected from your loved ones or if you are not surrounded by the people you love, birthdays might increase the sense of isolation and loneliness.
- Sense of familiarity. Do you remember the first candle you blew out on your birthday cake? Probably, you felt so excited and special with all eyes on you. Many birthdays share a similar script and with every birthday celebration, you become more familiarized with the concept. Thus, it is no surprise that birthdays become more predictable every year and this can make birthdays feel less special and exciting.
- Decline in dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is an important neurotransmitter associated with motivation, reward, and pleasure, while serotonin is associated with mood regulation and emotional well-being. As we age, dopamine and serotonin production may decrease, leading to a decline in feelings of excitement and pleasure.
Some Tips for Overcoming Birthday Blues and Feeling Excited Again
- Accept your feelings. As cheesy as it sounds, accepting your feelings can actually end the conflict between your emotions and expectations. Thus, the feeling that something’s wrong with you will diminish in time, and you will start to be more compassionate to yourself.
- Reflect on the past year. Sometimes we don’t realize our accomplishments until we think about them consciously. Thus, take a moment and reflect on what you have done this year. Writing them down also helps to visualize and appreciate your progress. This way, you might be more excited about your new age.
- Set new goals. It is great if you already have some plans for the upcoming year. Otherwise, try to come up with some goals that you want to achieve this year. It will give you a sense of purpose for your upcoming age and help you reignite your excitement.
- Try something new. I mentioned that birthdays might become boring over time as they follow more or less the same activities. Doing something you’ve never done before can add an element of surprise and adventure to your birthday. Just think how you have celebrated your birthdays so far, and find something you have never tried. It could be something calm like participating in a cooking workshop or something to get your adrenaline up like skydiving.
- Be with those you love. Maybe you don’t feel like planning anything for your birthday. It is always your choice to see it as an opportunity to celebrate with loved ones and make it a memorable day. Plan a day full of activities you enjoy, and most importantly share these moments with your friends and family.
- Treat yourself. It is your birthday! It’s definitely up to you to feel special. Spend some time at the spa, have a massage, or get a fresh haircut. Get yourself ready for your new age.
- Give back. A fulfilling birthday celebration might involve giving back to the community. You can volunteer or make a donation for a cause you care about.
- Make a record for your future self. What are your dreams and wishes? What do you want to achieve? Take a moment and think about what you wish for your future self. Then, you can save it as a letter or a video for your future birthdays. Waiting for this special day to see what you have wished for and how much you have accomplished will definitely create a sense of excitement.
Bonus Tips
Bonus tip if you are alone on your birthday. Being alone on your birthday might sound strange at first. However, it is a great opportunity to connect with yourself again and reflect on the expectations for your new age.
- Take a solo trip. plan a day trip to somewhere that you’ve always wanted to visit.
Bonus tip if you are with friends and family on your birthday.
- Have a themed party: Do you want to add a bit of a twist to your birthday? Choose a theme and plan a party around that theme, like the 70s or superhero theme.
I hope that these suggestions help you cheer yourself up on your birthday. However, don’t forget that there is no right or wrong way to spend your birthday. You don’t have to be happy or excited, and it’s okay to feel down. I just want you to remember that you are not the only person feeling this way, and definitely won’t be the last. You’ve turned another year older, and I’m sure you did great. The universe is lucky to have you.
Happy Birthday, dearest Moon Voyager!
Elif
Featured Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash
Elif thank you for sharing this lovely post. You really captured the bittersweetness of birthdays. For those people who think they haven’t accomplished anything significant yet they should remember no matter how good you are at something, there’s always an Asian kid better than you. So take it sleazy 🙂
Hi Nalan, thank you for your nice comment. Exactly, there’s always someone better than you at something, but they are not you and no one can be you better than you :))